Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
