My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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