I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
