He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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