In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
