you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
