have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
