she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
