Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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