ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
