also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
