I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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