i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
