Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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