Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
