I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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