Whod you bang
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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