I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize