Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
