I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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