Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
