I wanna passion pit in your ass
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
