AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
