It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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