The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
