he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
