GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
