i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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