he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
