This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
