She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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