i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
