Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
