Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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