I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
