Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
