I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
