She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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