Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
