Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
