you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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