If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
