forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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