I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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