Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
