I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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