He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
