Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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