Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
