The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
