I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
