Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He better not be in your backpack
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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