We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
