Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
