I wish I only lived at night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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