oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
