i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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