Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
