The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
