god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
