in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
