I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
