This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
