I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
