I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
