We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
