why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
