i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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