Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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